today is my first love

Today First Time...!!!

Eyes closed, lost within my clothes, I struggled through the sleeve to pass my hand through. I thought you would come and help me out but you didn't; the first time I wore my clothes myself!

Waiting at the table, staring at the empty chair, I thought you would come and feed with me with your hands. Specious, I waited but you didn't come. Wandering how to hold a spoon, I struggled to eat with dropping cereal and wet clothes; the first time I ate my breakfast myself!

The intrepid sense that you would come started waning. With the strident hours of the days making out what to do and what not; finally I realized how erroneous I was to wait for you. And then it was that I started crying; the first time I cried!

Rolling on the bed, deserted by sleep, I needed your lull, a hand to pat and fingers to pass through my hairs. I was so afraid of darkness, I wanted to tell you but you didn't come. When my little hands could not reach the button to switch on the lights, I hid myself under sheets and cried myself to sleep. Remembering the sleeping prayer you used to recite, I managed broken words of prayers; the first time I prayed myself!

I watched the neighbor’s girl playing on her mother's lap, I wandered once again, whether you would come or not? Realizing the truth; the first time I felt so lonely!

Growing up gradually, I applied your lipstick. Not knowing how to, I scribbled it over my lips. Looking at the infamy of my face, I thought how it would be to have you do my makeup!

Cleaning up my messy room, struggling through the junk, I felt weak and tired. Miserable with it, leaving things as it were, I cried for help. When no one came, I somehow packed the sheets under the bed and cleaned the mess. I was surprised by my work; the first time I did my room myself!

Hurriedly working in the kitchen, ouch, I burned my hand. With tears all over my face, eating the burnt toast, I quenched my hunger. Bandaging my hand inappropriately, the first time I felt so much pain!

Wrapping within my teens, turning audacious day by day, with no one to ask I went out at bars and returned late at nights. With no one to scold or punish; the first time I felt so homeless!

Climbing at the stage to take my black cap, I searched for you to clap and cheer. But I saw no one. With the desire to hear you say, "I'm proud of you!" first time I felt immaterial.


With all my friends living in a hostel for higher studies, we had to manage meals on our own. Everyone moaned and cried for help from someone to cook, I didn't; the first time I felt so independent!

Waking up in the morning, everyone found it tough with no one to stand at their head and wake them, they all got late for classes. I didn't; the first time I felt so responsible!

I grew up doing things and doing nothing much. At my wedding, everyone cried and wept, I did not! The first time I felt so courageous!

Today, teaching my children the lessons of life — the different ways like others do not; the first time I feel you around myself and then realize that you were always there, making me learn the way to live more and more.

Today for the first time, I didn't cry that you are not with me but smiled at the thought that how you were still always there and is still there with me...!

I love you mom!

Story Of Regret

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.

Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back. That went on for several years and each year; the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest.

So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy. The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.

Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and has never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly.

Since then, three years have passed and the girl never returned anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life..... Still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl. On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend's party alone. "Hey, how you come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?” asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend's queries about her, still he just surged on.

Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his

He wanted so much to ignore her..... Not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn't feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.

"Hi......how are you? Enjoying the party?" the girl asked.

"Sure.....yeah!” he replied.
She was slightly tipsy.....must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,
"Why...? Don't you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?" Then he answered, "No, there is no need for that anymore......"

Before he can continue, he was interrupted, "Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven't been searching for one for the past years, right?" The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."

With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was.....the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.

All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!

Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.

As it was Christmas evening, the line was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through......precisely at 12 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.

He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.
The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why fate did played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods...!! How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! It was in 1996…!!

The moral of this story is:

Treasure what you have...
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love...
Time is Eternity.

For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.

Most Beautiful Heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges.   In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?

The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed.

"You must be joking," he said. 

"Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

"Yes," said the old man, 

"Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. 

You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

How sad it must be to go through life with a whole heart.